the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
