I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
they're like a gay fantastic four
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
