My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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