Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I will die if light touches me.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
