Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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