How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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