Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
