I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I'm passing your future prison.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
