I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
