i'm signing you up for texting rehab
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
