i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
