If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
