I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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