I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
