Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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