smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Randomize
