There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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