Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
soo... how was my night?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
