the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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