32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
