she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
she peed on how many people?
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
