Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
