I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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