Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
