My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
