I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
