Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize