So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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