I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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