i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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