This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Success! We fucked roommates!
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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