were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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