Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
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