My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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