Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
