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Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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