You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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