I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
