I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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