First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
