im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
This is the high leading the old right now
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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