why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
