Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
