Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize