Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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