those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
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