Im at strip club and am horny
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
