3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Randomize
