you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize