I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Randomize
