my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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