you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
