At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
