i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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