can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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