I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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