no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
you told grandpa to call you daddy
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Randomize
