i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
im drinking this country out of the recession.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
