Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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