Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize
