We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
