The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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