I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
did i walk over a car last night?
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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