I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
