There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
