first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
