Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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