I just threw up on my dentist
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
