I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
We are two peas in an std pod
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
