Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize