none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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