we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
